ALL YOUR BASE BELONGS TO US

when nonsense reaches its limits

CHAPTER 1

It is said that once you start reading books non stop it is likely that one day you will attempt to write something yourself. This may be absolutely true but how many do actually complete this try.

Films about people writing books are proven to be dull. Also known as “Slow death through a boring story”. On the other hand, books are awesome, even paperbacks, cause the reader can imagine things better than the average filmmaker. Fantasy can do miracles, while lack of imagination can do a lot more. Boredom has that effect on people.

Slowly Albert opened his eyes. The mobile phone has ranged for the 3^rd time. Handy little devils, among other things, they even replaced alarm clocks. Being able to schedule an alarms at multiple times is pretty handy, especially when the battery ain’t drained.

He moved slowly in making a big curve with his body and easily managed to put his mind to do the impossible. Wearing slippers. He never liked wearing slippers. So after a step he decided to progress in life barefoot. Each step heavy with guilt, she had the bad habit of following him at every step.

Thoughts occurred in the following order.

Pants.

Shirt.

Coat.

Oh …socks

Shoes and Coffee. Hello cat.

The cat was orange with a white stripe on her face and she usually went by the name of Syl, but today he left it at her dreams and adopted something among the lines of Esmeralda. Syl had to do though, since the human not being able to understand meows she could not demand anything. Lack of communications you see.

Humans and cats get along by mere understanding.

Understanding is a rare quality that few posses these days.

The cat meowed again being thirsty. Maybe I should bother to jump on for small talk onto the neighbor’s cat.

Mort

As its fairly obvious, I am currently reading Discworld by Terry Pratchett.

And to add above that, people that know me, know very well that once I start reading a certain series…it is absolutely certain at that point that I will read the whole bunch. Sometimes even a bit more.

I will even dream it and in a way even experience it from first hand.

This book is about Death. Not death like “my uncle died last summer” but  Death himself, in bones (no flesh).

The door keeper of the other life, the usher of souls. People usually have one chance to see him…and its mainly by dying. Wizards and Witches can see him all the time. But a lucky few (that aint wizards) got the honor of seeing him everyday.

Experience life (or death) through the bones and eyes of Death.

Unique novel. I totally enjoyed it. As much as I did Equal Rites.

Equal Rites

Yesterday at last (it took me a whole 4 days!!) I finished the third Discworld Novel called Equal Rites.

In my humble opinion it was way better than the first two. Colour of Magic was probably more than OK (nearly really good) but Light Fantastic was totally random and randomly boring. I didn’t like the ending as well.

Equal Rites doesn’t have that much randomness in it….so I will dare and call it straight forward. Its a story about the first female wizard (not witch). The reason why females wizards didn’t exist before is cause they would probably be too good at it. And since being good at something is something not easily tolerated by most people… the best move would be to ignore the whole idea.

There are some extreme cases that by simply putting your fingers on your ears just doesn’t work. Reality will come by knocking at your door without any prior notice. Life is usually like that…Ive seen it.

I am giving it 5/5, its an excellent novel.

Iam already half way of Mort (the next novel in the series) and I also bothered my self to order the next 7. So Ill got plenty of material to read and write about in the forth coming month.

Moon

Sunday was an odd day. First the sun decided to rise, or at least I assume it did since I woke up at least 6 hours later. 6 hours after that the sun decided to start setting down again bringing a dark quiet evening. Thus the day came to an end.

With the day away (at least for the night) the Moon made its appearance . Not the full Moon.. It was more like a sort of a Moon that resembled “a pie”. Not a whole pie, just one of those bitten ones at one end.

So I made plans to go to the cinema to watch “Moon” but since my lovely blond friend decided to cancel those plans.. I went right ahead and watched it anyway. I hate when someone tries to sabotage my non existing schedule.

Its not a rare occasion when I decide to go and watch a movie alone. I would gladly describe it as, totally typical since most of my friends have an amazing relationship with movies…that extends as far as a highly complex acrobatic move of pressing the ON button in the tv’s remote control.

On the other hand, I love the big screen…mainly because its BIG. I also love the front rows…not really the first 3 but 4-5 are absolutely lovely!!

The movie was lovely as well and Duncan Jones lived up to his Dad’s space reputation. Ill disagree with several reviews that state that the movie is an ode to loneliness. Its more like an ode to human cruelty.

Sam Rockwell is as expressive as it goes and Kevin Spacey is just a Robot…and a boring one if I may add.

If you haven’t watched it DO SO.

love

Talking to rocks is preferably way better than talking to me. Its not that Iam not interesting, its just that emotions are locked in the cellar. Logic is lost in the somewhere between my kitchen and my  bathroom and sensitivity is still looking a way to reach me from the South Pole. The phone naturally is switched off.

It is more likely at this point that will bump into Santa Clause than me.

Yet in some inexplicably way, I am in Love.

When I am all alone, I am still the same heartless bastard I always was, but when I look at her…My world is shuttered to pieces. I was never good at jigsaw puzzles. I feel like a sugar statue on a rainy day.

But the best part of all is that….She really annoys me, sometimes I cant stand her more than a second. Polar bears have a more hot aura around them than her. Yet I melt like an icecream.

I see clouds of lollipops. Fields of black tulips….and a Pink sun rising from the Horizon. I am certain that love has the wrong shade of green.

I need a hot cup of tea.

teeth

Its true! I got an issue with teeth. The problem is that although I like them in my mouth, for an odd reason they don’t like me.

I brush my teeth frequently.

I don’t eat anything  with sugar.

Even my coffee is usually black.

 

But they keep insisting in packing their luggage and waving a white handkerchief goodbye. So I said…the hell with them…and I put new teeth (3) made from porcelain.

At this rate my best friend will be my dentist. Nice guy though, funny.

Funny dentist, i must be going mad.

 

 

…And another thing

Two weeks ago I found out that the 6th part of 3 from the hitchhikers to the guide series, called “And another thing” is going to be publiced*. And since I always was a big fan of Douglas Adams, I thought:

“what the heck…lets order it”

So i did. I preordered it on 10 of October and received it a week later. It took me less than a week to read it and i have to state the following:

If you expect a book that fits 100% the Adams hitchhikers’ writing style. Don’t read it you will be definitely disappointed. It closely resembles the Adams style by lets say 30%. And I do feel generous when I write this percentage.

If you liked “the long dark tea time of the soul” you are definitely going to like this book.

This book is mainly about Gods and Cows. The rest of the people in it are merely guest stars.

The ending sucks big time.

Personally I didn’t regret buying it and I would gladly read it again only while keeping in mind that Douglas didn’t write this.

*written by Eoin Colfer